I had someone say to me once – I am capable of loving you through your “gaps” (that is what I call flaws) but I choose not to. Wow, what a powerful statement; a hurtful one but it was indeed powerful. Powerful because it sent me on a quest to better understand love and choice.
I have always thought love was a feeling and it is. But that euphoric feeling of love when you first meet someone, when they take your breath away and you cannot stand to be apart – that is the loving feeling we are familiar with. It is a great feeling and being in love is awesome. What I found out is love is more than that… love is more than a feeling! We are more than our thoughts and feelings. I learned that I can choose to be happy regardless of my circumstances.
My circumstances do not control my happiness. I can still be kind, compassionate and gentle even though I may hurt. That was a REVOLUTION for me. A love revolution! I can choose to forgive myself and others; I can choose life and happiness. I can also choose not to be bitter, angry or waste another day being upset. Maybe that ‘s not a revolution to you but I have spent much of my life letting what people think, or circumstances or my feelings control whether I am happy and loving or not. This awakening has changed my life! LOVE IS NOT A FEELING, LOVE IS A CHOICE!
No matter how I feel I can still be… kind, patient, gentle, compassionate etc. You fill in the blank! We do not have to internalize others feelings about us. We can release people in the right way and stay in peace. The truth of the matter is this… People who are wounded wound other people. The offended offend and are unaware of the offense because most of the time they are not thinking about us. They are thinking about themselves.
It is easy to love someone who loves you back and who gives you what you want. It is much more difficult when our needs are not being met. But therein lies the beauty, we have the power within us to be loving and kind even when someone is not being loving and kind to us. This is where the Absolute Power lives in us! We can choose to do the right thing even when we don’t feel like it. We are more than our feelings. We don't have to be controlled by our thoughts and emotions.
I am not in any way suggesting that we let people run all over us. We certainly need to create a safe space to live and boundaries to protect our hearts; especially when it comes to intimate relationships. We must decide if this relationship is adding to our lives or sucking the air right out of us. If we are swimming against the current it is never too late to turn around and go with the flow! The flow is to remain in peace, keep the faith and persist with out exception. Choose life! Choose love!
The Three C’s to start a LOVE REVOLUTION in your life:
1. Commit – commit to happiness. Not in a way that we only think of ourselves but in a way that we have a grateful heart and we commit to be in service of others. True happiness occurs when we choose to think of others.
2. Compromise – Not our core values but in a way that there is give and take in our life and our relationships. Let go of being right. Have a forgiving Spirit; forgive yourself for your shortcomings and gaps. Forgive those who hurt you. It is a daily practice.
3. Connect - The most wonderful gift of all is to connect with your Higher Purpose and make a difference in the life of another. Connect with those who support your dreams and make you want to be better. Sometimes that may be the person right in front of you. At times we treat those who are the closest to us the worst; we don’t see them for the wonderful gift that they are.
Remember we are always at choice, choose happiness, choose life and choose love. We are more than our thoughts and feelings, we ARE the love revolution. Start one in your life, today.
I would love to hear how you will start a love revolution in your own life. Please share your stories. What is the one choice you will make today that will change your life, your work, and your relationships?
For more information on personal coaching or organizational workshops please visit my website at www.trudilacey.com
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The 6 W’s of Life – You are wonderfully made!
As a coach my work life has been defined in large part by wins and losses. (Notice I said my work life and not my life). If you win enough as a coach in the eyes of others you are a winner. We often define ourselves by our success in the work place, or by our salaries, our promotions and our titles. We all know life is about more than these things; life is about having victory in your life every day! For much of my professional life I have struggled with defining myself by wins and losses. Of course, we all want to win (winning is good) but it is not the only thing. The manner in which we win, how we treat others in the process and how we manage ourselves is paramount to living a happy and fulfilled life.
The 6 W’s is a way of life that will give you victory whether things go your way or not. One of the most important life lessons I have learned is that I can still be happy even when things don’t go my way. It was a personal revolution for me! I can remain positive and have a good attitude even when I feel I have been treated unfairly. You may ask how can that be? Here’s how:
6 W’s of Life I am…
1. Wealthy. Perhaps not in the sense we think as in having lots of money. If you have your health, friends and a family who loves you and the mental ability to solve your problems, you are wealthy.
2. Wise. Wisdom especially spiritual wisdom is a gift you can give yourself and share with others. Seek wisdom. You may have started life at a disadvantage, you may not have the education you want or you may not have the same talents as someone else but you can increase your wisdom daily. Use that wisdom to live a life of peace, love and joy no matter what is going on around you.
3. Wonderful. You have been fearlessly and wonderfully made. You are a gift of God and you have talents and gifts that are unique to you. Being wonderful is not about being arrogant or boastful it is about living your gifts in the service of others.
4. Worthy. You are worthy of living an abundant life; you deserve it! You are worthy of having good things happen in your life. You are worthy of treating yourself well and believing in yourself.
5. Worth it. In my own life at times I have felt not good enough. I have felt the need to prove my worthiness to others to get their approval. Having others approval is nice but not necessary. You are worth being treated with respect; you are worth someone loving you through your “gaps”. We all need at least one person in our life that loves and believes in us unconditionally.
6. Whole. You are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. The Power of the Universe lives in you. It is okay at times to seek the advice of others for your life but you have everything you need inside of you to make life choices that resonant with you and how you want to live your life!
Embodying the 6 W’s of life has given me a peace that I have not known before. It is indeed a daily practice. There are times when I still feel not good enough. I have to remind myself I am wonderfully made, that I do have gifts to offer the world. There are days I question am I really worth it? Am I worth it? I answer with a resounding yes; I remind myself I am worthy of a great life. When I feel alone or lonely I know I am worth love and peace. In my quiet times I feel the Wholeness of the Universe in me and I know without a doubt I will live a life of W’s; and so will you!
For more information on personal coaching or organizational workshops please visit my website at www.trudilacey.com
The 6 W’s is a way of life that will give you victory whether things go your way or not. One of the most important life lessons I have learned is that I can still be happy even when things don’t go my way. It was a personal revolution for me! I can remain positive and have a good attitude even when I feel I have been treated unfairly. You may ask how can that be? Here’s how:
6 W’s of Life I am…
1. Wealthy. Perhaps not in the sense we think as in having lots of money. If you have your health, friends and a family who loves you and the mental ability to solve your problems, you are wealthy.
2. Wise. Wisdom especially spiritual wisdom is a gift you can give yourself and share with others. Seek wisdom. You may have started life at a disadvantage, you may not have the education you want or you may not have the same talents as someone else but you can increase your wisdom daily. Use that wisdom to live a life of peace, love and joy no matter what is going on around you.
3. Wonderful. You have been fearlessly and wonderfully made. You are a gift of God and you have talents and gifts that are unique to you. Being wonderful is not about being arrogant or boastful it is about living your gifts in the service of others.
4. Worthy. You are worthy of living an abundant life; you deserve it! You are worthy of having good things happen in your life. You are worthy of treating yourself well and believing in yourself.
5. Worth it. In my own life at times I have felt not good enough. I have felt the need to prove my worthiness to others to get their approval. Having others approval is nice but not necessary. You are worth being treated with respect; you are worth someone loving you through your “gaps”. We all need at least one person in our life that loves and believes in us unconditionally.
6. Whole. You are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. The Power of the Universe lives in you. It is okay at times to seek the advice of others for your life but you have everything you need inside of you to make life choices that resonant with you and how you want to live your life!
Embodying the 6 W’s of life has given me a peace that I have not known before. It is indeed a daily practice. There are times when I still feel not good enough. I have to remind myself I am wonderfully made, that I do have gifts to offer the world. There are days I question am I really worth it? Am I worth it? I answer with a resounding yes; I remind myself I am worthy of a great life. When I feel alone or lonely I know I am worth love and peace. In my quiet times I feel the Wholeness of the Universe in me and I know without a doubt I will live a life of W’s; and so will you!
For more information on personal coaching or organizational workshops please visit my website at www.trudilacey.com
Monday, April 19, 2010
Shift Happens
Three months ago I made a proclamation… I was going to transform my life in 90 days. I wanted a shift in my career, my relationships and my finances. I set out to do everything I could to ‘make it happen’. I revised my resume, in my relationships I gave people room to be themselves and I stuck to a budget.
I felt that if I did what I was supposed to do, be diligent and intentional that my goals would be reached in 90 days. I would be happy, accomplished and fulfilled. Life would be great!
Well, on the outside not much changed. A friend said to me ‘Hey how about that transformation thing you were doing, did it work? It doesn’t look like it worked too well you are doing the same thing!’ But they could not see me on the inside, a shift had happened!
Well, what I learned is that a “shift happens within oneself before it manifest on the outside. Sometimes the “shift” is not recognized by others but deep down one knows a shift has happened. And the success of my inner transformation did manifest perhaps not like others thought it would; it happened in a way that would change my life forever. I noticed my relationship to others began to shift…
At the beginning of my season our team lost 5 games by one point, we lost 5 players for various reasons: injuries, a family death, academic difficulties etc. We were down to 8 players and the team was pretty down because had lost those tough games. I was faced with a dilemma-find a way to give them hope or give up. Giving up is never an option for me so I decided to give them hope. There is power in perseverance. We finished our season with the second best record in school history, going to the championship game in our conference. Most important my relationship with my players was stronger than ever.
A shift happened in other relationships too. I practiced being present with whomever I am with and allowing people to who they are. I learned that connect thoughts and feelings to people and we have filters we use to control people.
I learned love is a choice, not a feeling. I learned that I can be loving even if someone does not treat me well. I learned not to be easily offended, get upset or angry when someone did not act as I think they should. As a result people were drawn to me, wanted to help me and encourage me. What an awesome feeling!
In my finances I learned that is not necessarily how much money you make it is what you don’t do with it. I learned to practice delayed gratification; spend less have more to do what you want to do. I don’t need stuff to make me happy or to make me feel good about myself. I heard this and it stuck with me… Live like no one else so you can live like no want else!
Shift Happens and Inner Transformation manifest when:
• Stay in peace, be consistent and be fearless… Trust
• We realize we are not our thoughts and our feelings. We are so much more. We can stay in peace when people hurt us, when we don’t get the promotion or when things don’t work out just like we planned. Stay in faith, stay positive and believe your best is yet to come
• We recognize we can not always control our circumstances. The key is to live in hope and stay consistent. When we give up or stop for a period of time we lose our momentum. We may be closer to our goal than we think. My coach Kay Yow (North Carolina State University) would say “when you are behind don’t give up, when you are ahead don’t let up.”
• We give our power away to others by constantly reacting to every little thing that doesn’t go our way , compare ourselves to others or when people want us to act like they want. We make rules for others that they don’t know about and then we are upset because they let us down. Celebrate “real” freedom by living in the fullness of who you are meant to be and letting go of controlling others.
Shift Happens when you remain hopeful, believe in Truth and know your inner Self.
For more information on Lacey’s Lessons go to www.trudilacey.com and contact Lacey & Co. for leadership seminars, individual coaching and motivational speeches
I felt that if I did what I was supposed to do, be diligent and intentional that my goals would be reached in 90 days. I would be happy, accomplished and fulfilled. Life would be great!
Well, on the outside not much changed. A friend said to me ‘Hey how about that transformation thing you were doing, did it work? It doesn’t look like it worked too well you are doing the same thing!’ But they could not see me on the inside, a shift had happened!
Well, what I learned is that a “shift happens within oneself before it manifest on the outside. Sometimes the “shift” is not recognized by others but deep down one knows a shift has happened. And the success of my inner transformation did manifest perhaps not like others thought it would; it happened in a way that would change my life forever. I noticed my relationship to others began to shift…
At the beginning of my season our team lost 5 games by one point, we lost 5 players for various reasons: injuries, a family death, academic difficulties etc. We were down to 8 players and the team was pretty down because had lost those tough games. I was faced with a dilemma-find a way to give them hope or give up. Giving up is never an option for me so I decided to give them hope. There is power in perseverance. We finished our season with the second best record in school history, going to the championship game in our conference. Most important my relationship with my players was stronger than ever.
A shift happened in other relationships too. I practiced being present with whomever I am with and allowing people to who they are. I learned that connect thoughts and feelings to people and we have filters we use to control people.
I learned love is a choice, not a feeling. I learned that I can be loving even if someone does not treat me well. I learned not to be easily offended, get upset or angry when someone did not act as I think they should. As a result people were drawn to me, wanted to help me and encourage me. What an awesome feeling!
In my finances I learned that is not necessarily how much money you make it is what you don’t do with it. I learned to practice delayed gratification; spend less have more to do what you want to do. I don’t need stuff to make me happy or to make me feel good about myself. I heard this and it stuck with me… Live like no one else so you can live like no want else!
Shift Happens and Inner Transformation manifest when:
• Stay in peace, be consistent and be fearless… Trust
• We realize we are not our thoughts and our feelings. We are so much more. We can stay in peace when people hurt us, when we don’t get the promotion or when things don’t work out just like we planned. Stay in faith, stay positive and believe your best is yet to come
• We recognize we can not always control our circumstances. The key is to live in hope and stay consistent. When we give up or stop for a period of time we lose our momentum. We may be closer to our goal than we think. My coach Kay Yow (North Carolina State University) would say “when you are behind don’t give up, when you are ahead don’t let up.”
• We give our power away to others by constantly reacting to every little thing that doesn’t go our way , compare ourselves to others or when people want us to act like they want. We make rules for others that they don’t know about and then we are upset because they let us down. Celebrate “real” freedom by living in the fullness of who you are meant to be and letting go of controlling others.
Shift Happens when you remain hopeful, believe in Truth and know your inner Self.
For more information on Lacey’s Lessons go to www.trudilacey.com and contact Lacey & Co. for leadership seminars, individual coaching and motivational speeches
Sunday, January 31, 2010
2010 Leap in to Win
Sitting in my home on a snowy day, as I look out at the white snow and the stillness that a day like this brings… I am reminded to enjoy the feelings of calmness, peacefulness and the desire to reflect on one’s life and circumstances.
Like many of you I came into the New Year with renewed hope and goals. I set powerful intentions for my life in 2010 and a month into the New Year the ‘real’ work begins. Just like in 2009 there are already twists and turns in 2010 for me personally, for you and for those all over the world that we did not expect.
For these and many other reasons our powerful intentions fall to the way side and we create more stress because we have let ourselves or others down. We set intentions, powerful goals not to add stress but because we know when we meet these intentions our relationships, our life and our work will be enhanced… this is how we leap in and win!
I have set high goals for myself in 2010 for my relationships, my career and my finances. I signed up for an online course to help me understand my “flaws” and my strengths, I promised to reconnect with friends I had neglected in 2009 and I put myself on a strict budget.
But every time I fall short of reaching one of my goals I beat myself up and I am very hard on myself. (I have been taught and trained to react this way). I was not conscious that this was really about a deep insecurity in me and that I was wasting energy. I thought if I worked hard enough to ‘fix’ myself everything would work out for me and I would have the acceptance, love and peace I desired.
It seems the harder I work the more circumstances “showed up” to block me; at least that is my interpretation, my perspective and my filter. I recently had an insight, it is not my circumstances, and it is my interpretation of those circumstances that is blocking me.
The victim hood, the anger, the being offended was not serving me I was giving away my power. I had to make a positive change to acknowledge, admit and express my underlying emotion. The truth is in many circumstances I just don’t feel I am good enough (whew, I said it) so I have to continuously prove myself. I had to leap in and take 100% responsibility for my life and my circumstances. And live my life by design and not default. The saying is true… THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!
HERE ARE 5 IDEAS FOR YOU TO LEAP IN AND WIN IN 2010:
1. TELL THE TRUTH. Tell the truth to yourself and others. Be real with your emotions. In order to do that you have to be willing to be vulnerable. I decided to do just that and told a few friends and business associates my underlying emotions. Even though this was very difficult for me I have been able to unlock the fear in me and feel the support of my friends and colleagues. It has been amazingly liberating.
2. FORGIVE YOURSELF. I am hard on myself as many of us are and I am quick to see what is wrong with me. That mentality is filled with blame and shame some of which may be projected onto others or my circumstance. Raising my conscious awareness of this perspective enables me to create a space of real change.
3. APPRECIATE YOURSELF. Have appreciation and love for yourself even when things are not ideal. Appreciate the learning process in difficult situations, let go of feeling sorry for yourself and being offended when things don’t go your way. ( this sounds simple but it is harder than you think)
4. REALLY LISTEN TO OTHER’S POINT OF VIEW. I get stuck in believing I have to fight for what I think I deserve. Ultimately I believe God is in control of my life but in a moment of stress or disappointment I believe I can change or control the circumstance. I stop listening to the other person which separates me from people. This is what I DON’T WANT! So I am working on giving people the space to express their perspective, to not take it personally and to look for a way to connect even when it is difficult. ( this is a day by day process for me and some days I am better at it than other days )
5. FULLY COMMITMENT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN AND GET INTO ACTION. Set major goals in your life hold yourself and have those close to you hold you accountable. “Stuff” will happen but choose to live your life with power, honesty and kindness.
Elevate yourself and others, allow space for others perspectives, let go of victim mentality, be willing to express your real emotions, be vulnerable and transform your life in miraculous ways. Leap in to win in 2010.
For more information on the 28Leap program go to www.trudilacey.com Sign up now & receive a 10% discount.
Please share your thoughts and insights on my blogspot.
Like many of you I came into the New Year with renewed hope and goals. I set powerful intentions for my life in 2010 and a month into the New Year the ‘real’ work begins. Just like in 2009 there are already twists and turns in 2010 for me personally, for you and for those all over the world that we did not expect.
For these and many other reasons our powerful intentions fall to the way side and we create more stress because we have let ourselves or others down. We set intentions, powerful goals not to add stress but because we know when we meet these intentions our relationships, our life and our work will be enhanced… this is how we leap in and win!
I have set high goals for myself in 2010 for my relationships, my career and my finances. I signed up for an online course to help me understand my “flaws” and my strengths, I promised to reconnect with friends I had neglected in 2009 and I put myself on a strict budget.
But every time I fall short of reaching one of my goals I beat myself up and I am very hard on myself. (I have been taught and trained to react this way). I was not conscious that this was really about a deep insecurity in me and that I was wasting energy. I thought if I worked hard enough to ‘fix’ myself everything would work out for me and I would have the acceptance, love and peace I desired.
It seems the harder I work the more circumstances “showed up” to block me; at least that is my interpretation, my perspective and my filter. I recently had an insight, it is not my circumstances, and it is my interpretation of those circumstances that is blocking me.
The victim hood, the anger, the being offended was not serving me I was giving away my power. I had to make a positive change to acknowledge, admit and express my underlying emotion. The truth is in many circumstances I just don’t feel I am good enough (whew, I said it) so I have to continuously prove myself. I had to leap in and take 100% responsibility for my life and my circumstances. And live my life by design and not default. The saying is true… THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!
HERE ARE 5 IDEAS FOR YOU TO LEAP IN AND WIN IN 2010:
1. TELL THE TRUTH. Tell the truth to yourself and others. Be real with your emotions. In order to do that you have to be willing to be vulnerable. I decided to do just that and told a few friends and business associates my underlying emotions. Even though this was very difficult for me I have been able to unlock the fear in me and feel the support of my friends and colleagues. It has been amazingly liberating.
2. FORGIVE YOURSELF. I am hard on myself as many of us are and I am quick to see what is wrong with me. That mentality is filled with blame and shame some of which may be projected onto others or my circumstance. Raising my conscious awareness of this perspective enables me to create a space of real change.
3. APPRECIATE YOURSELF. Have appreciation and love for yourself even when things are not ideal. Appreciate the learning process in difficult situations, let go of feeling sorry for yourself and being offended when things don’t go your way. ( this sounds simple but it is harder than you think)
4. REALLY LISTEN TO OTHER’S POINT OF VIEW. I get stuck in believing I have to fight for what I think I deserve. Ultimately I believe God is in control of my life but in a moment of stress or disappointment I believe I can change or control the circumstance. I stop listening to the other person which separates me from people. This is what I DON’T WANT! So I am working on giving people the space to express their perspective, to not take it personally and to look for a way to connect even when it is difficult. ( this is a day by day process for me and some days I am better at it than other days )
5. FULLY COMMITMENT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN AND GET INTO ACTION. Set major goals in your life hold yourself and have those close to you hold you accountable. “Stuff” will happen but choose to live your life with power, honesty and kindness.
Elevate yourself and others, allow space for others perspectives, let go of victim mentality, be willing to express your real emotions, be vulnerable and transform your life in miraculous ways. Leap in to win in 2010.
For more information on the 28Leap program go to www.trudilacey.com Sign up now & receive a 10% discount.
Please share your thoughts and insights on my blogspot.
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